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I would drift over tothe girl's part of the classroom and end up playing with them.The teacher called my mom in for a conference after the first few months.She asked mom why I seemed to prefer the company of the girls, ratherthan the boys. Mom (she told me about this years later) explained that Ihad no sisters, and that I must have been doing it out of curiosity. Itwasn't just an excuse, it was what she believed. She told the teacherthat she didn't mind if I spent more time with the girls. She talked tome about it home. I told her that I liked girls more than boys. I kneweven then that I was not "normal," and that I shouldn't tell her what Iwas really thinking.The next couple of years were hard for me. I spent a lot of time bymyself, looking at mom's magazines and our catalogs. I searched forpictures of young women and girls to see the kinds of outfits and shoesthey got to wear. I imagined myself as a female model, or as a boymodeling in feminine clothes. Whenever I had even a few. But, of course, I knew he had an ulterior motive.What better time to do it than 'now'!"I know because I am a passionate woman honey." I thought this over and decided to be totally honest, "I have been worried that if I met another guy, he would eventually hurt me as your father had. That is why I don't date."My son nodded again before continuing, "How do you know you're 'passionate' mom?"This line of questioning was more than frustrating to me - it was questions that I often feared to ask myself, echoing hurt-filled comments that my husband threw at me years back. So my response had a little less thought than I intended, "I am 'passionate' because my body and my mind often responds to the slightest provocation."That peaked his attention and he dared to ask the next question, "Like when you are topless?" With the earlier tone of my voice, I was not surprised when Gary seemed to inwardly cringe as he awaited my answer."Yes." It was time to go for broke. "But I like how you look at me.
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